i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
