u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
