thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
