Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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