Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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