Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
