Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
