my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just want to make out with him forever
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize