Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
