If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I love having hate sex.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
