OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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