i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
