3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
