nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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