Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize