i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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