margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
