either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
why is half of my head shaved?
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