Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
