I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
