I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
