and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
