He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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