Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize