I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
