I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I need to calm my uterus...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
