Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
