I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
