I cannot find my penis.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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