I'm so fucking centered right now
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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