so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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