Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize