isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
