today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
