if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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