i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
