last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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