I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
