so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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