Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just want nice things and good sex
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
