And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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