WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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