I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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