I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
