she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize