maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
PANTIES FOUND
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