i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
where does the pee come out of this thing
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
