Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
thus making me awesome and them whores
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
