he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
last night I used snow as a chaser
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize