i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
