either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
