Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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