you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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