Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
