I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
