Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
