I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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