I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
