guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
