ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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