I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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