If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
