maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
