is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
