i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
