i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
