Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
