He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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