so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
