I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
