I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
