I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Your cock deserves a montage
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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