totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
