It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize