i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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