i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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