I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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